This Year
by Magdelena Sforza
Summary: CONTAINS SPOILERS, EVEN IN THIS DESCRIPTION. Levi celebrates his birthday without his squad for the first time in five years, having a tough time coping with the loss of Petra following the previous year.


It had been the same every year since then.  
The snow was nothing more than pain.  
The memories fogged his mind, smirking as he remembered the first day his copper haired friend brought up the formalities of old times.  
"I hear that they had this…holiday around this time of year. Brought trees into their homes and decorated them even!" Petra's giggles hummed against the walls.

"Seriously? What purpose would that even serve?"

"Well, the trees they used, what was it, Petra, pine trees?"

Mike glanced at the nodding woman

"they smell incredible"

Levi shook his head.

"Foolish. They should have been more concerned with the impending threats that have forced humanity to where we are."

"Cheer up, heichou!"

Orou elbowed the shorter man, encouraging a glare from him.

"What was that other part, Petra, about the mistletoe?"

"Ah yes, mistletoe would be hung in places, above doorways, from light fixtures, and anyone who met under one would have to kiss!"

"Then get me some of it, fast"

Orou raised an eyebrow at her.  
As she stood, she gave the man a hard kick in the shin.

"It's tough to find for a start, and I wouldn't be caught dead with you underneath it anyway."

A small smirk crossed Levi's face as she strutted from the room, the tapping of her boots echoing along the rest of the evening went by quietly. The team members eventually dispersed late, the stars sparking their light through the night air, making the snow on the ground glisten like millions upon millions of tiny diamonds, embedded into a thick carpet.  
Levi tugged his coat around his frame, silently thanking himself for the warm fire place in his bedroom. As he opened the door, the curtain of heat slapped him in the face and he took a deep breath. As he slipped out of his uniform, he heard a noise tickling the door from the other side. Donned in just his dress shirt and trousers, unprepared for any kind of conflict, he held his breath as he gripped the door handle. He let it out lightly as he pulled it open, faced with a small, ginger woman staring into his chest.

"Petra, what are you doing?"

"Eh, Heichou, I was on my way to see if you were, ehm, sleeping"

A pink blush fluttered across her cheeks, something clearly bothering the small woman. Levi raised an eyebrow.

"I-I wanted to ask you something, Heichou"

He remained silent.

"Well…"

"Wait."

At the top of his vision, something was standing out. He glanced up, to see a small piece of shrubbery, white berries standing out against the green.

"Petra. What is that?"

She looked up, her face burning up bright red.

"I…I believe that is mistletoe, Heichou."

"What was that tradition, Petra?"

His eyes slid to her face. She could feel him examining her, section by section, taking in every inch of porcelain skin, every strand of her copper hair, until his eyes bore into her gold ones. He stepped forward, now nose to nose with her, the heat of her skin gripping him, drawing him in with her scent and the comforting warmth that accompanied it.  
The few seconds passed as slowly as centuries until he felt Petra's lips firmly against his own. His heart began to pound against his chest as he pulled her closer, his hands moving to the small of her back, the heat moving with her hands as she ran her fingers over his shirt, her arms around his neck.  
Her fingers twisted through the ebony strands, sending tingles through his spine. He felt her silky lips open a little, her soft tongue caressing his own. His hand traced over her back, burying itself in her hair. And for those few short moments, everything was perfect.

Now.

Now the room was just cold.  
The fire provided no warmth, the walls of the lonely castle did nothing but echo his lone footsteps, the tapping reminding him of the many times he walked the halls with them. Specifically, her.  
This year, on his birthday, there would be no celebration, no company, no warmth.  
His heart swelled in his chest as he opened the door. Still as it was on the day they set out. Her bed made; the room meticulously neat out of habit. He sat on her bed, his fingers caressing the sheets softly.  
_  
"Well, as her father, I think it's too early for her to marry."_

The words crossed his mind every day.

"What if you had lived, Petra?"

The words were out loud before he could stop himself.

"Do you think he would have let us marry?"

His hand gripped the closest pillow, tugging it closer.

"Do you think we could be together right now?"

He hugged the pillow to his chest.

"Do you think that I could hold you?"

The words came out as a bare whisper.

"Why..?"

"Why you?"

He breathed in the scent of the woman that had captured his heart.  
He glanced around the room. It was so clean, yet so filled with her personality. That night one year ago, the night they shared their first and only kiss, the night he had clung to her in a way he had wanted for five long years, in the way he still wanted now.

"What was that holiday?"

The image of them together was soiled suddenly by the last he had of her.

"Something…Something to do with the word "Chris", you explained this. An old…religion".

Her mangled body against the tree. He shook his head, forcing the image of her smiling face, to mind, inhaling her scent again.

"Orou told me after that he had put it there as a joke."

On the bedside locker, the shrub that caused their only kiss mocked him silently.

"He said you knew…"

A tear slipped over his cheek slowly as he hugged the pillow tighter.

"I'm so glad you came when you did, Petra…"

The scent was attempting to embed itself in his mind, overcoming him as all of his love, loss and heartbreak plunged through his heart.

"Merry Christmas, Petra."


End file.
